Tag Archives: Kate Middleton

Everything’s Coming Up Babies!

Spring is in the air which means if you don’t already have a baby in you, you probably will soon! I sure do.

It seems like every other lady is leasing their womb this season, so I got out my telescope and looked for the starriest stars who are also burdened and blessed with the miracle of childbearing.

hilaria30f-3-webHilaria Thomas

The woman that tamed the Baldwin beast. Hilaria is a name my ignoramus side wants to use to try to understand Spanish. “Hilario must be Spanish for hilarious. Since I’m a girl, the feminine form must be Hilaria.”  Will these double-sided funny bones be passed down to the next generation, or will their little girl take after half-sister, model, and “little pig” Ireland? Time will tell.

evan-rachel-wood-bump-350Evan Rachel Wood

We know spook-mesiter Wood for her icy turn as Vida the Guy Pearce banger in Mildred Pierce (no relation), as a vampy vampire in True Blood, and the Dita von Rebound of Mr. Marilyn Manson. Let’s hope motherhood warms up this corpse of a modern personality.

pennyPenelope Cruz

Penny for your thoughts? She’s in her 7th month and I advise her to leave those “red trappy choos” from Vanilla Sky in the back of her closet and try some flat espadrilles.

jenna-dewan-baby-bumpJenna Dewan Tatum

The luminous, versatile star of the Lifetime tele-film “She Made Them Do It” is also expecting. I have difficulty pronouncing Channing Tatum and it always comes out Taning Channum. I think this is the beginning of an acting dynasty in the making.

jessicasimpson.la.jc.32813Jessica Simpson

Jessica announced her baby boy joy with a joke about being stuffed with wieners that I didn’t quite understand. My favorite Wiener du jour is Matthew, creator of Mad Men. What a show – Jessica should sign up with Netflix (if she isn’t already) and put her feet up and enjoy the drama.

Halle Berry and her baby bump shine in RioHalle Berry

Oh, Halle. D-Listed said it best.

fergie-kids-choice-awards-2013-500hFergie Ferg

A highly scientific study was recently conducted that nominated the Black Eyes Peas’ song “Boom Boom Pow” as the perfect workout track, because it has 150 beats-per-minute (which is also an average fetal heart rate). Mrs. Dr. Steam Dream doesn’t seem like the kind of lady to listen to her own music, but I either read somewhere or maybe daydreamed that Kanye West listens to his own albums. I think it would behoove her to make a nice playlist with that song on it and she’ll bust through labor with those twins in no time.


Anna Chlumsky
“My Girl” turned “Veep” is all grown up and growing by the day.

malin-akerman-flaunts-growing-baby-bump-at-lunchMalin Akerman

I simply flipped for her wig in “Watchmen.” In a 2009 article in the Daily Mail she is quoted as saying “I’m not going to be somebody’s toy.” Little did she know that 4 years later she’s actually going to be someone’s milk factory. Cheers. Oh look as I’m writing this she welcomed a baby boy yesterday. One thing is for sure in this topsy-turvy world, you’ll never hear it here first.

Untitled_large_verge_medium_landscapeJenna Bush Hager
Also this week, the first grandchild was born unto haunting outsider artist George W. Bush. Mila is a sweet name for a girl but I would have gone with Sammy for a Cabo Wabo celebratory vibe.

2013 MTV Movie AwardsAmerican royalty Kim Kardashian
kateBritish royalty Kate Middleton
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. How about we slap some beanies on these babies and call it a day?

I’m all out of gas folks. Other bellies I’m too pooped to slather with my witticisms:  Busy Philipps, Ali Landry, Courtney Mazza Lopez, and Luisana Lopilato.

What other celebs did I miss? Who else is expecting a bundle of joy in your world? Tell us in the comments below.